Day Five

Well, once again I have made my own life more difficult.

Before we talk about that: I gave the clothes to Mr. X's friend and had a little chat with him. I tried to stay smiley and pleasant to talk to. I did not say any shit or be sad. You would of never guessed that I was giving back my ex boyfriend's stuff. I wrote a note in it. It just said "If you think that anything is missing let me know. Have fun in LA!" and then I simply signed it. I think that it is nice and accepting of the break up. Except for the fact that I kept one of the shirts. I really wanted to keep this purple one because it is the first shirt that he let me borrow in the morning after sleeping together so it has sentimental value. Unfortunately, he has this shirt with him so i settled for one of his really soft gray shirts. I think that it might of been better that I kept one that wasn't so sentimental. I also have a few of his sweatshirts, but he let me have them because they were too small on him so I am going to keep them. I am also keeping a huge graphic design picture he did when he was a junior. I did not even know him then and I only took it from him because I think it looks cool. Trust me, it is better to have it than to have a huge sad empty area on my wall. I took down pictures of him though, which I think is good. Late tonight he facebook inboxed me "Thank you for giving my friend my stuff". I said "Welcome". It is the only time we have talked since we have broken up.

Now for the bad: I then went out to lunch with an old friend from high school. We were talking about ex boyfriends and I told her about this iphone application that I have. It won't let me drunk dial anyone I put on a list (of course I put Mr. X and then the other ex boyfriend I saw a few days ago, we will call him Mr. Y). I wanted to demonstrate what would happen if you try to call the person on the block list, and what do you know, the application wasn't working. Yes, it called Mr. Y. No he did not answer his phone, thank god, but instead texted me verbatum "Hey whatssssup! Im in class right now".... Really?.... Could my life be anymore ironic? No. It couldn't. Mr. Y, who broke up with me even though I was madly in love with him, wants to hang out now. O great. I texted him back about how I called cause I didn't store whose number it was. He hasn't texted back since but I have a sick feeling that he is going to call me this weekend... O joy.

Advice: I find that keeping busy after you have a break up is good. I was in the darkroom (photography) at school for 3 hours today doing work. That is the most consistent time I have ever spent on school work. Tommorow I have a long day of classes and more homework. I have no time to think anymore and be sad, but I've gotta admit, the mornings are the worst...

I mourn in the mornings. It makes me believe that the reason people sleep in the same bed when they are married is so that they have someone to wake up next to. There is never a time that a person feels more alone than the morning. You wake up from a sad dream; you are sad. You wake up from a happy dream; your real life is not as exciting as the dream and so it makes you sad. It is a lose lose situation. I have found that it is best to go take a shower and then leave your house immediatly. Come back right after if you want so that you can watch tv or eat breakfast, but just leaving and getting a fresh start is nice.