no more days. i am no longer counting days.

Current Books: I was just home, and whenever I am home I read "Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging" before I go to sleep.

Current Playlist: mostly mac dre at the moment since my friend made me a cd of him

Current Guilty Pleasure: looking at a picture of the guy I recently hooked up with and watching the scene in episode 6 of vampire diaries when damon dances on his balcony (muy sexy)

Current Color: red, always red because it is saucy... like me

Current Drink: green tea and emergen-c to stay awake... mickeys and beer is forever. but mostly I drink tons of water

Current Food: I still dont eat much nowadays, but I will always love pasta da vinci from the cheese cake factory... it is delicious... o and i am discovering how delicious gourmet mac and cheese can be, since i never used to order it as a kid because of the fear of it being like cafeteria mac and cheese (yuck)

Current Favorite Show:  vampire diaries, bored to death...

Current Wishlist:To have a great year, to continue to be happier than i have ever been, and to spend more time with the people I love... oooo and to do well in all of my classes

Current Needs: someone hott to cuddle with, energy to do all of my school work, to organize my closet

Current Triumphs: being the happiest I have ever been, that I can remember... and fitting back into my jeans that I wore when I was 15

Current Bane Of My Existence: disorganization

Current Celebrity Crush: the brothers on the vampire diaries

Current Indulgence: drinking too much, smoking and watching trashy tv

Current Blessing: great friends, great family, and great memories

Current Slang: dude, gnarly... I am 20, I use alot of slang without knowing it... cause im in my cool years like that

Current Outfit: I finally dont wear the same thing everyday anymore... but i do still wear alot of jeans or a high waisted mini

Current Excitement: tommorow... in general... everyday recently has been so amazing

Current Mood: happy and super hopeful... minus the cramps i was dying with

Day Sixteen

I've been studying for my midterms for perhaps 1/4th of the day and the other 3/4ths have been devoted to discovering The Vampire Diaries. The two brothers in it are gorgeous. Why aren't there guys that look like that running around my school?

Day Fourteen and Day Fifteen

Day Fourteen

I do not even know how to start. In the beginning of the day, I was just thinking about some fond memories that I had with Mr. X. I had resolved that I would not call him until my feelings for him as my boyfriend had subsided, and I believe that they have. I just truthfully don't want this friendship to go to waste so I thought "fuck it" and called him. Of course he didn't answer, but instead texted me back, which made it SOOOO akward. Instead of being able to show through my tone that I was doing great on my own, I had to be interpreted through texting. His text to me was even "what's up?". I didn't even get a "hey". I texted back that I was just checking to see how he was, and he said "Good how are u?". I just said "good", and it was over. Exactly the opposite of what I wanted to happen. Obviously he is just going to be immature, and I need to come to terms with the fact that he might not ever want to be friends. I am working on that, but it is hard.

That night I went to a bar and saw Barfly of course. I somehow ended up sleeping in the same bed as him and having a steamy hookup. Of course he had to ruin it though. He kept saying "you amaze me". What specifically amazes you about me? Seriously, he barely knows me. I kept trying to get him to shut up, but he just wouldnt! Drove me crazy. I finally was just like "we can't do this anymore", but he wouldnt get the picture so I finally had to kick him off my side of the bed. He then told me that he would never stop hitting on me. UGH! I just know how to pick them.

Day Fifteen

I tutored little children today, as I do twice a week every week. I then went and drank mad margaritas and passed out. My life is too fun!

Day Thirteen

I had a pretty hectic morning. One of my tires was low. I tried to be all awesome woman who can fix her own shit... but it's just not me. I needed a guy friend to help me, which didn't really work so I had to get a guy from the station to help me. It is very strange, I talk like a guy, I pretty much act alot like a guy (at least I dont look like a guy), but I can't really take care of myself. Maybe that is my problem. I think that it comes from my dad really always being the man of the house. Don't get me wrong, my mother is a fiesty independent lady, but when it came to being the bread winner or fixing things around the house, my dad was always the man for the job. He never complained or bitched about how women should be doing things too, which is something I actually really admire in him. I am sorry if this is a bit sexist, but I think men should be gentlemen. I want a guy I can count on, a guy I could count on. I don't want to be yelled at for being too weak (a Mr. X trait). I want a man that wants to take care of me.

Is is totally lame that I am really excited for my date with  the older guy from home? I can't help it. From what I remember, he is super cute and it will be the first real date I have been on in months. I am super lame, but at least I am super optimistic :).

"You know, every time you interrupt someone your penis gets a little shorter." American Dad!

Day Twelve

This is what I am going to be for halloween.

I literally only did my laundry and watched law and order svu all day. I didn't have class, but now I have to wake up super early to fix my tire and then I have to develop film within an hour period. I really needed some sleep after the past few days.

My friend wanted me to come up with unique ideas for a bday she's throwing for her boyfriend. These are my ideas:

Fish party: everyone dresses like a fish and for decoration put up cutouts of fish and bubbles and perhaps have some blue balloons
Rainbow party: everyone dresses in one color that is on the rainbow
Eski-hoes and eski-bros: think big puffy jackets on top and mini skirts on bottom
Jonas brother party: boys, come as a Jonas brother while girls come as one of their many love interests
Underwear party: self explanatory
Teeth party: dress in all white (aka a tooth) with perhaps some spots of black plaque
Alcohol party: come as your favorite alcohol... with your favorite alcohol
Letter party: come as a letter and as a fun game try to spell out words together when you are drunk
Chicken pox party: dress in polka dots and draw them on your face
Body paint party: bring one color each and then paint each other throughout the drunk night... could be a bit messy so must happen outside
Twilight party: team Edward or team Jacob, you decide
Threesome party: three dress matching
Kings cup party: come as one of the cards, number or face card and then when you attack people they have to do the rule of your costume... people would get drunk fast

I think that there are enough options there. I hope she uses one because that would be sick.

I think that I am going to take the advice of one of my friends and take a bubble bath and drink some wine, but first I must clean my room. Seriously my room is bothering me it is so messy. It is not my fault though that I got broken up with right after I had the flu. That's 2 messes in 1.

I am going to have a quote everyday now because there are so many good ones floating around in the world.

"What's my favorite word?! BITCH!" Blow the Whistle by Too $hort

Day Eleven

Ive added new songs.

The girls by Calvin Harris
Blow the whistle by Too $hort
Off that by Jay-z and Drake
My moon my man by Boys noize remix

Last night I just wanted to drink a bit and a half so I went to my friends house and got a Mickeys. Mickeys is my jam except for the fact that it was really my jam when I weighed 140lbs. Now that I weigh 119lbs, not so much my jam. It was a little much. I am pretty sure I went and passed out in an open bed without saying anything to anyone. Haha. I also ate a whole cheeseburger and shake. Ugh makes me wanna puke just thinking about it. In the morning I walked out of the house and did a faux walk of shame infront of parents driving their kids to school... oops. What a great role model.

I think the anger is over. I changed my fb relationship to single finally, and I deleted a quote that I had from him on my about me. Welcome to forgiveness. YAY ME!

Is it horrible if I had SOS by the Jonas Brothers to my playlist... probably. I will just listen to it in secret :).

Day Ten

I am too tired to go to ballet class today. I am just going to ask how I can make it up. I am instead working on the music I am going to put in my car.

On to the next one by Jay-Z and Swiss Beats
Meet me halfway by the Black Eyed Peas
Egypt, Egypt by Egyptian Lover
Boi! by Young Problemz and Mike Jones
Faded by Souldecision
Let me ride by Dr. Dre
Everything, everyday, everywhere by Fabolous
Tik tok by Ke$ha
Empire state of mind by Jay-Z and Alicia keys
Fresh by 6 Tre G
The reeling by Passion Pit
Sally, that girl by Gucci Crew
All I have by Jennifer Lopez and LL Cool J
Starstruck by 3Oh!3
Southern hospitality by Ludacris
Ugh Ugh Ugh by Juicy J
Fear by Drake
Becky by Plies
Different Girls by Nu Jerzey Devil
Still not a player by Joe/Big Pun
Freak-a-holic by Egyptian Lover
Radar by Britney Spears

I went to a friend's house last night and watched the movie Camille. It is a really good movie, but kind of hard to explain. In one scene of the movie you can just tell that the couple is really in love and it is quite sad and touching. I started almost shaking crying which was a bit embaressing. I just hope that some day a guy will love me that much. I think that I am going to substitute love in life with love in movies. The love in movies is just so much more beautiful and everlasting.

Mr. X is in the same city as I am at the moment. He lives like 6 hours away, but he is back to pick up stuff at his friend's house. Awkward.

I wish my closest friends lived closer. If they did I swear that I would practically be living in their room.

I've lost 2 more lbs. Let me just chart out for you my weight loss. I am pretty small boned, but tall (5'7' 1/2''). When I was younger I used to weight about 110 lbs. I was made fun of alot for it and told that I was ugly cause I was too bony so when I got a bit older I ate whether or not I was hungry, constantly. I then got to 130 lbs. Freshman year of college I went down to 120 lbs, but gained it back after I got mono. Then when I met Mr. X and fell in love I ate everything, constantly. I would literally eat animal fries as a snack (if you dont know what that is look it up) everyday after we had sex. I was so in love and he was such a big boy (6'3'', 200 lbs) that I ate myself to 140 lbs. When he moved away at the end of the school year I decided that I was going to become fit if it killed me so I worked out like crazy. I got all the way to 125 lbs within 3 months. I'm pretty proud of myself for that because I seriously earned it. Now within the past two weeks I have lost 6 more lbs. I don't work out anymore and I don't think that I am just losing muscle. The jeans I bought a few weeks ago are falling off of me. It is seriously just because I can't bear to eat. I am eating just to survive at this point. I am not going to lie, even though it sucks to not be able to stomach any food whatsoever, it is kind of comforting to know that I am more fit looking than Mr. X for the first time probably ever. I am at the age when all of my friends are dieting or working out and obsessing about weight so they have asked me what I have been doing to lose so much weight. I've been on the breakup diet. How does the breakup diet work you ask? STEP 1: fall madly in love with someone, STEP 2: have them break your heart, STEP 3: fit back into your skinny jeans or even be too skinny for your skinny jeans. I am now at 119 lbs, a weight that I wish I had accomplished with hard work and excersize, but accomplished instead by having a broken heart. At least now I don't get as depressed when I go shopping; this weight loss is eating up my credit card.