Day Four

I had school. Did I mention that I take a psychology of marriage class? It sucks to have to define love when you have just been broken up with, but it especially sucks to have to go to class and discuss break ups when you have just been broken up with. I learned that it is hopeless to fantasize about getting back together with your ex, in my case, Mr. X, and that it will take at least 6 weeks for me to go through the grieving process.

The Grieving Process:
1. Denial: you try to bribe and persuade the person to get back together with you
2. Grief: you cry and cry and cry
3. Anger: you say mean things about them to your friends
4. Forgiveness: you finally let go and move on

I would like to think that I had finished with denial the day that I told him that I did not want to see him for 3 months, opposed to seeing him this upcoming weekend. I would also like to think that even though I am grieving a bit, that I have jumped to a mixture of grief and forgiveness and bypassed anger all together. I do not want to talk shit about Mr. X because I truly do want to have him back in my life as a friend or whatever at some point. What I especially did not like about the lecture was when she told us that after the grieving process (which is supposed to last 6 weeks, a bit longer than the 3 months until I see him), we will probably never become friends. That made me sad, and I hope that she is not right about that. Hopefully, after I finish the grieving process in 5 1/2 more weeks, I will be ready to see him as just a friend.

What I like least about breaking up is giving the stuff back. I had to call Mr. X's friend who goes to school near me to talk about giving him Mr. X's tshirts that I used to sleep in (I have like 15). It was a very awkward conversation to say the least, but I tried to sound upbeat and happy. It will be wierd to have to give him those things tommorow. Is it completely horrible if I spray them with my perfume that I ALWAYS wear? Doesn't matter, I am going to do it anyways. I don't know if I should write a note or anything. Before tonight's class, I definatly would have, but now I feel that I should move on, and that writing a note would be being in denial. I think that it was good that I called his friend before he could call me about it; it shows that I am considerate and listening to what he said when he told me he wanted to break up. That is right, for the first time, Girl is listening to other people, opposed to doing whatever she wants. I am very proud of myself.